Tuesday, August 4, 2009

You know I loves Science

but I just don't love scientists (well that's a sweeping generalisation) but flow with me here.  Officially Eppendork doesn't love hates a system that tolerates unprofessional behaviour because you are a leader in your field and you bring in the big bucks.   My supervisor is a great scientist (I completely respect his science) but his managerial skills are absolute crap, and if I had to I would say they are non-existent.   I have never ever been managed so badly by a supervisor, never.  Nor have I ever been so stressed out and paranoid about making mistakes as I have been in the past few months, I have been a complete fking wreck (hence the lack of blogging).  He just has no stop measure on his temper - there is a zero to 100 in terms of anger in like 5 seconds and just lets rip on the person - alone, in front of people, in front invited guests.  He just doesnt give a shit and everyone takes it because with his name on a paper you are going to get it published in one of the big ones.    He is a micromanager, in and out, in and out - unless he has some one else distracting him that he can 'help' them see the error of their ways (cause they arent thinking just like him), you never get time to do stuff and he continually adds things to your list of stuff to do.

I have been contemplating in the last week or two whether he is a workplace bully or he is just insensitive to the dignity of others, and to be honest I think it's the later and has no control over his temper.  He had threatened me twice with being 'fired' from this PhD project - the first time was like - OMG he's threatening me - WTF?? This was after he and my other supervisor had a meeting and worked out a plan for me to improve my performance to be reviewed in three months at which point we as a group would decide if this project was to go forward.  The last time he told me 'you dont know how close you are to being fired!' and in my head I was just like - meh if you are going to do it, do it (the reader must realise at this point I had got my head around the fact that he and i shouldnt be working together cause we are a really bad fit) I dont care that much.  But I still thought I had my now two months to prove myself worthy of his godlike tuterage, unfortunately this morning he had decided he had enough and told me I was fired from the project.  And you know what (having spent my weekend working my arse off for him) just sat there and went thank fucking God - thank you Jesus.   It had been taken out of my hands and I am glad cause me being stubborn and not wanting to give up on something until the last possible moment would have sat there a stressed out, wreck of a person, a shell of the person I walked in here as and I can tell you I would have lost my love of science.  It was ridiculous how much lighter I felt walking back into my office - one of them (who is in my office but not in the group but see how he behaves to all of us) - was like 'Oh Eppendork I am so happy for you - this is a really, really good thing!'.   Every one including the tech who is also leaving soon because of his behaviour (although she gave him another reason cause she needs a good reference), was like it is a positive positive thing.

And dear readers it is!  It really, really is!  Just have to go find me another job and explain why I spent x amount of time on a PhD project that has come to nothing - but I can live with that, I still love science and tonight Im not a wreck!!  I might just sleep soundly for the first time in months as well....

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.